HOTEL-SUR-MER
This is a two hander, set in a hotel room, about two brothers on holiday in the French village in which they were haphazardly raised, where memories of their childhood and youth still have a hold over them.
This play was performed originally under the title “The Boy in the Boat” (until I found out that’s a euphemism for something else entirely)! Now called Hotel-Sur-Mer, I’m still working on a series of other short plays, in the style of Neil Simon’s California Suite, all set in the same hotel room.
This particular play is in two acts.
(formerly "The Boy in the Boat”)
Best New Australian Play
Mansfield Regional OAPF
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A MAN (JACK), 58, limps into the room followed by his younger brother (HOWARD), 53. JACK is tall, masterly, but frail. HOWARD is smaller in stature, but more agile and, although once more combative, now very protective of his brother.
JACK leans on a stick, and watches HOWARD organise a seat for him.
HOWARD: You okay?
JACK (puffing heavily): Fine.
HOWARD: I should’ve checked for a lift –
JACK nods in agreement.
HOWARD (CONT’D): I was sure I’d asked Sylvia to –
JACK: Sylvia?
HOWARD: My secretary. Sort of thing.
JACK: Oh.
JACK sits, still puffing.
JACK (CONT’D): Ordering secretaries round now? The accountancy firm’s going well then?
HOWARD: I get by.
JACK: I’d like to pay you for this – holiday-
HOWARD: We’ve gone through this -
JACK: I don’t know why it has to - be such a fuss.
HOWARD: It’s not. I wanted to do this. You want a drink or -?
JACK: Tomato juice.
HOWARD: -with lemon or -?
JACK: If it’s there. You have - whatever you like.
HOWARD (pouring himself a tomato juice): Gee. Thanks.
JACK: I’m impressed. Five days now and - you haven’t touched a drop.
HOWARD: I told you. Ten months next week. Okay! Now! Here’s what I’m thinking for tonight –
JACK (to himself): Oh God.
HOWARD: What is it?
JACK: Nothing.
HOWARD: You in pain?
JACK: I’m just – requesting support from – (points upwards).
HOWARD: Helps does it?
JACK: When things are bad enough.
HOWARD: I didn’t know you were religious.
JACK: I’m not.
HOWARD: So you are in pain?
JACK: I am on top of the pain. Not due for anything for (looking at watch)...about four hours.
Pause
HOWARD: Did you enjoy today?
JACK: Wonderful.
HOWARD: Hardly changed has it? The monastery, the little port. Even the fisherman’s café is run by the same family, did I -?
JACK: So you said.
HOWARD: The boy serving us was –
JACK: - old Louis’ grandson.
JACK nods and squints at HOWARD now as if he’d like to say something..
HOWARD: Why are you doing that?
JACK: What?
HOWARD: Why are doing that squinty thing?
JACK: Who’ve you been talking to?
HOWARD: No one.
Pause. HOWARD is uncomfortable.
HOWARD (CONT’D): I knew it. I knew this would happen -
JACK: How perceptive. You shove me on a plane and bring me half way round the world - for what?
HOWARD: Jesus Jack, we’re in the south of France for God’s sake! I thought you would - this would – you know – get you out of yourself -
JACK: The only thing that’ll do that is the duty free. Pour me some would you?
HOWARD: You sure it won’t clash with -?
JACK: Of course it bloody will. I’ll feel like shit tomorrow. But tonight the world will be mine. Pour away.
HOWARD goes to get out some duty free whisky and starts to open the bottle.
HOWARD: You know it’s thirty eight years don’t you..
JACK: What?
HOWARD: Since we were last - here. Since we -
JACK: Make it a double!
HOWARD: What’ve I said?
JACK: You’re just so depressing.
HOWARD: Depressing?
JACK: Is that a dirty word these days or –?
HOWARD: Why’m I (depressing)?
JACK (OVER): What the hell is wrong with the word depressing? I said it in passing to the reflexologist the other day – they do voluntary foot massage in the day care unit and – we’re talking weather as you do - and I mention how I find winters, you know, a bit depressing and she’s all – “Depressing? Did you say depressing?” The next thing you know my oncologist is in the room staring down at me saying “I gather you’re feeling a little down..?”
HOWARD: What did you say?
JACK: “For Christ’s sake” I said – “I’ve only got a few months! Isn’t that normal?” And she says – “Just because you’re dying doesn’t mean you have to feel depressed. We have medication for that.” Why is it compulsory to feel ecstatic all the time? ‘Dying? Take these and die laughing.’
HOWARD: So you taking them?
JACK answers with a scowl. HOWARD passes JACK a drink. HOWARD has tomato juice. The two clink glasses.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Cheers.
JACK: Good health.
HOWARD: Sante.
JACK: Schlaughter (Irish ‘cheers’??**)
HOWARD: To family. To – brothers in (arms)
JACK (OVER): Okay okay! (they drink) Ahh. Bit weak –
HOWARD: I gave you a double
JACK: Tastebuds crap. Shoot it again. Give it a friggin’ BLAST.
A pause. HOWARD pours more into JACK’s glass, and watches JACK throw back a large swig, concerned. JACK gasps a little and shifts in his seat.
HOWARD: So I thought tonight (we could try)–
JACK (OVER): Oh…shut up.
HOWARD: Don’t tell me to shut up-
JACK: I feel like I’m on a German tour bus –
HOWARD: Here we go.
JACK: Who’s the older one here?
HOWARD: It’s the big brother crap.
JACK: Well stop treating me like the child in all this.
HOWARD: I’m not The Child either Jack.
JACK: So stop acting like one. Stop fussing about!
HOWARD: Stop telling me to stop doing things. I worry about you that’s (all -)
JACK (OVER): Stop worrying about me!
Long pause. HOWARD sulks. JACK swigs..
HOWARD: I can’t just pretend it’s all fine -
JACK: Here we go!
HOWARD: All alone in that –
JACK: Bring it on –
HOWARD: -godforsaken little dump of a flat –
JACK: That dump’s my home.
HOWARD: You should’ve told me
JACK: I am fine. Or WAS ‘til you called me.
HOWARD: I just cannot understand why you couldn’t have told (me)
JACK (OVER): You weren’t talking to me remember?
HOWARD: I know what divorce does believe me.
JACK: Then double it.
JACK waves his glass and HOWARD gets up and tops it up with water.
HOWARD: So like Dad.
JACK: I’m not - YOU (are)
HOWARD (OVER): One drink and you’re slamming round the orders like I’m eight years old (again - )
JACK (OVER): Oh God who needs a wife –
HOWARD: And for the record, I’m not just some boring little accountant anymore.
JACK (PURPLE): Really?
HOWARD: I got an advance.
JACK: What for?
HOWARD: A book.
Long pause. HOWARD smiles victoriously.
JACK: The Idiot’s Guide to the Abacus or..?
HOWARD: It’s a sort of – memoir.
JACK: I thought you had to be famous to write one of those.
HOWARD: Not at all.
JACK: S’pose it helps having a famous father -
HOWARD: I s’pose..
JACK: And brother..
HOWARD: And if you can write ofcourse. Which apparently I can.
Pause. HOWARD shrugs.
JACK (CONT’D): And who’s going to read that?
HOWARD: You might not. But the publisher says -
JACK: Ooooh. The publisher! Sylvia is it? The publisher?
HOWARD (surprised): You’re jealous.
JACK: Oh come on.
HOWARD: You are!
JACK: Give me (strength.)
HOWARD (OVER): I’ve finally made it in some artistic field of endeavour and you –
JACK: Hardly made it – is it finished?
HOWARD: Not yet.
JACK: HA!
HOWARD: You are jealous!
JACK: Don’t be funny.
HOWARD: HA!
Pause. JACK takes a drink, trying to take in this news. He reaches over and squeezes HOWARD’S arm.
JACK: I’m proud of you little brother. I really am. That’s/
HOWARD: That’s/ - patronising.
JACK: What’s wrong with being proud?
HOWARD: Of your little brother? Nothing.
Pause.
JACK: So how did you clinch the deal? Sleep with her did you?
HOWARD: Who?
JACK: Slivia. Saliva. What’s her name again?
HOWARD: That’s more like it.
JACK: Well did you?
HOWARD: No actually
JACK: Why not?
HOWARD: Because I don’t have to seduce anyone to succeed.
Pause. HOWARD sits back coolly.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Speaking of which – I know.
JACK: Know what?
Pause. HOWARD looks victorious but JACK is flummoxed.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Gwen told me.
Pause. JACK shifts in his seat.
JACK: Well she lied.
HOWARD: Oh really? I remembered the night. It was that drinks party (for Verne)
JACK (OVER): It was a bit of a feel up, nothing (more.)
HOWARD (OVER): You disappeared for a good thirty minutes – Gwen first – then you. I saw it.
JACK: It was – decades ago. It was a drunken grope in the hallway..
HOWARD: Really?
JACK: It never went further than that.
HOWARD: Gwen didn’t call it (a grope) –
JACK (OVER): Anyway I was too gone to (do anything)
HOWARD (OVER): Gwen said you were sober.
JACK: Compared to her I probably was.
Pause.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Even my wife. Even - my - wife.
JACK (playfully putting up his fists boxer like): If you’d seen it happening, why didn’t you take me on? Hmm? Like any real man?
HOWARD: Real man. Don’t talk to me about…
Pause. JACK stares away for a moment and smiles, as if recalling something truly hilarious.
JACK (CONT’D): Did I tell you the one about –
HOWARD: Not now (Jack –)
JACK (OVER): Oh come on Tweedles, lighten (up -)
HOWARD (OVER): Not now I said –
Pause. Silence. JACK takes another drink.
JACK (annoyed): Oh God you can’t STILL be carrying that round like some rotting carcass strapped to your back -…Gwen was young and beautiful then –
HOWARD: And flirtatious –
JACK: And a terrific flirt yes –
HOWARD: And married to me.
JACK: While I was -
HOWARD: What were you exactly? I’d love to know.
JACK: You know, I think on some level, I wanted you to catch us.
HOWARD: Oh God.
JACK: Well, someone had to hit you with the blinding obvious and no one else could bring themselves (to tell you)
HOWARD (OVER): Don’t (tell me)
JACK (OVER): Gwen was –/
HOWARD: Shut up.
JACK: - sleeping with /
HOWARD: Shut up!
JACK - anything that moved!
HOWARD: Well that’s obvious.
JACK: The woman was insatiable.
HOWARD: Perhaps that was the attraction. Blindly insatiable meets amoral vacuum –
JACK: I was doing you a favour.
HOWARD: Thanks bro. What a champion. It just goes on and on really. You never stopped putting me first.
JACK: Well she sure as hell didn’t –
HOWARD: Alright that’s (enough –)
JACK (OVER): You knew what she was doing (all along)
HOWARD (OVER): Shut up. Just –
JACK: Well you bought it (up –)
HOWARD (OVER): Just – shut up.
JACK: Nothing happened anyway. Between us. It was just -.
HOWARD: ENOUGH okay?
Pause. JACK looks down, as if ashamed.
JACK: So that’s why you never returned my calls. Honestly. All those years over a bit of –.
He waves his hand in the air, dismissively. Pause.
JACK (CONT’D): Ever hear from her?
HOWARD (bitterly): You? (pause, relenting) She texted me a selfie of her topless on some beach in the Bahamas last week. I think she still enjoys trying to get at me, even now.. You know when she told me it was over - I begged her not to go. I mean I literally got down on my knees and begged. I clung to her legs. (pause) She was wearing those awful flesh coloured stockings – and flat brown leather lace ups.
JACK: She really did dress like a geography teacher at times didn’t she?
HOWARD nods, sadly.
JACK (CONT’D): Mind you there is something sexy about a woman who doesn’t try to be.
HOWARD glares at JACK for a moment, then away, bleakly.
HOWARD: Why are we so stuffed when it comes to women?
JACK: Speak for yourself.
HOWARD: Neither of us got it right. Always scrambling for reassurance-
JACK: Speak for yourself.
HOWARD: Oh come on. You! Ha!
JACK: I never scrambled. I never clung to a woman’s legs. Let them go that was my motto. Let them try to find someone as – entertaining and – flattering and – well, loaded. I mean I was hot property for a while. (HOWARD smirks, as JACK shifts his focus) Apparently it’s all about Mum.
HOWARD: Mum?
JACK gets up slowly and helps himself to another drink.
JACK: We were abandoned. Which makes us happier romanticizing women from a distance than actually – you know - living with them. Plus of course we both had to compete for Dad’s attention. And being two brothers - made us even more competitive.
JACK stares out the window for a moment. HOWARD is astonished.
HOWARD: Who told you this?
JACK: The marriage therapist thingy we went to before Doreen walked out. Said I’d always be waiting for a woman to leave, just like Mum. The trouble with Doreen, she said, was that she wasn’t keen on leaving. I had to really plunge to the depths of moral bankruptcy.
HOWARD: Not a big drop for you.
JACK: The therapist said I was a lost cause.
HOWARD: Spot on there.
JACK: Said I’d never change.
HOWARD: The therapist said that?
JACK (smiling again at another memory): Said she’d never known anyone like me.
HOWARD: Oh no...
JACK: And there was nothing she could do.
HOWARD: You had a thing with the therapist didn’t you?
A long pause. His silence says it all.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Jesus Jack.
JACK: Turns out -
HOWARD: Wait a minute –
JACK: - she told Doreen.
HOWARD: After how many sessions did this -?
JACK: She confessed!
HOWARD: God! That is -
JACK: Then they gang up on me. Can you believe it?
HOWARD: Who?
JACK: The marriage therapist and Doreen.
HOWARD: Oh God.
JACK: I hadn’t been returning her calls or something. So to avenge herself, the two of them went out to lunch and that was it. I was instantly, violently, loathed by the both of them. I get home late one night and Doreen’s packed her cases and she’s standing in the hallway waiting for me – you know, making sure I bleed – making sure I really feel the full horror of it all – wearing her sexiest outfit – just to rub it in - you know how they love the drama – and I look at the packed cases and boxes and - her beautiful face – full of simmering righteous indignation - and I think “I can take this. I watched Mum do this a hundred times. Jesus. This is nothing.” Last thing I remember I was waving to her saying “Bye bye mummy.” (he imitates a child waving) Just like that. “Bye bye”.
HOWARD: Jesus.
JACK: The first and only time she ever knocked me out. With an umbrella. Right bang in the family vault.
HOWARD: Wooh.
JACK: No sense of humour. Could never laugh at tragedy. Not like we could. By God we could laugh, couldn’t we?
HOWARD: I don’t laugh much these days. Not since Gwen -.
Pause. JACK leans forward eagerly. HOWARD doesn’t respond. JACK leans back.
JACK (CONT’D): You know of all your girlfriends – Gwen was the only one I ever – you know – really - went for.
HOWARD: Thanks for that.
JACK: I s’pose I always felt, as the oldest –
HOWARD: - so confident – so much more adored…
JACK: I always just presumed –
HOWARD: - that you had a right to everything that was mine –
JACK: It’s true. I did.
HOWARD: Even when I was three - you (took –)
JACK (OVER): It was a big brother thing -
HOWARD: - my red truck. Then when I was five it (was- )
JACK (OVER): Oh I remember -
HOWARD: -my first bike – I really loved that (bike)
JACK (OVER): It was too big for you anyway –
HOWARD: You already had one!
JACK: Did I?
HOWARD: You even took the safety wheels off it.
JACK: I’m (sorry).
HOWARD (OVER): Then that really good SLR camera Dad gave me –
JACK: I started my career with that one.
HOWARD: You know, it has occurred to me lately that I could’ve ended up the famous photographer if - .
JACK smirks and takes another drink.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Well let’s face it – (imitates taking photos with a blank expression) – lift – snap – lift – snap. How hard can it be?
JACK remains smiling to himself, but shrugs.
HOWARD (CONT’): You’re an arrogant bastard.
JACK: That’s true.
HOWARD: I should deck you – I should (bloody- )
JACK (OVER): Come on. Deck me come on! (holding out glass) Just give me a bit more petrol and let’s go.
HOWARD hesitates, then grudgingly pours JACK another whisky.
HOWARD (CONT’D): So how long?
JACK (looking at his watch): Three months, two weeks, four days and – roughly –
HOWARD (FLATLY): I mean with Gwen.
JACK pauses and stares into space, as if trying to fit her in between others.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Jesus Sophie is mine isn’t she?
JACK: It was long before Sophie was born .. – no wait – Sophie was about four at the time. Yes long after Sophie. I think. (waving away the whole issue) Sophie is all yours, relax. I didn’t – we didn’t anyway. Not really. I was having a fling with that Jerry Hall woman at the time. God what an appetite.
HOWARD looks at him flatly.
HOWARD: You’re a great advertisement for sheer bloody balls you know that. I mean look at you! How do you – ?
JACK: I appeal to their vanity. You want a woman, tell her she’s beautiful. Then look her in the eyes and tell her you’d like to do a photo shoot of her one night. Then sort of laugh. (he does a slightly creepy imitation of himself laughing. HOWARD looks appalled)
HOWARD: That’s it...?
JACK: You got ‘em kid. (HOWARD looks disgusted) But I saw you in action too once. Doreen blushed that night.
HOWARD: Santorini September 1985.
JACK: I could never make Doreen blush.
HOWARD: I was trying to make Gwen jealous. What a sad little husband I was. Do you know later that night she actually suggested I have an affair?
JACK: Really?
HOWARD: Said it’d do me good. I went into the bathroom and cried.
JACK: She was a ball breaker.
HOWARD: You would’ve handled it though. I mean, if she’d been your wife you would’ve taken it as permission to -.
JACK: I don’t know why you didn’t.
HOWARD: I couldn’t. Just – couldn’t.
JACK: I’ve always admired you for that.
Pause.
JACK (CONT’D): Why am I here?
HOWARD: You tell me.
JACK: Even you must see how –- challenging this is?
HOWARD : Why’d you agree to come?
JACK: You ring me out of nowhere and ask me away for a holiday. I haven’t seen you in years. What am I meant to say?
HOWARD: You could’ve said no.
JACK: When according to my doctor I’ve got three months, two weeks, four days (and..he looks at his watch)
HOWARD (OVER): Don’t do that it’s morbid. Anyway no one has the right to point the bone like that.
Pause. Silence. JACK shifts restlessly and takes another swig.
JACK: So what’s the book about?
HOWARD: Us.
JACK: Sorry?
HOWARD: Dad. Mum…Us.
JACK: Hmm.
Long pause.
JACK (CONT’D): So. Will you be mentioning - him?
HOWARD: Hmm?
JACK: You heard.
HOWARD looks away.
JACK (CONT’D): Who paid for this trip?
HOWARD: I asked the publishers. And based on -…
JACK: - it tying in well with your big tell all, Saliva agreed -
HOWARD: Not at all. I just felt it was a good opportunity to -
JACK: I never discussed family Howard. Not the personal stuff. Even when Parkie hinted -
HOWARD: So how come Parkie hinted at it?
JACK: People talk.
HOWARD: I don’t know why it had to be such a huge secret.
JACK: Oh come on! You know how Dad was about - . Christ.
HOWARD: He mixed with your lot every day of his life!
JACK: Yes and remember how he talked about them when they weren’t around?
HOWARD: You still managed to use all his contacts. You used every inch of the pity they felt –
JACK: Pity! What pity did anyone show me Christ’s sake?
HOWARD: Princess Margaret and that creepy chinless wonder she was married to – they took pity on you –
JACK: I was trained by Snowden. It was an apprenticeship -
HOWARD: You latched onto every contact Dad flicked your way.
JACK: And so what if I did?
HOWARD: Like a limpet.
JACK: You’re forgetting one thing. I had talent.
HOWARD: So do I Jack. I can write –
JACK: I could write a bloody good memoir too - if I wanted to.
HOWARD: ‘Course you could.
JACK: If I had the need. To bore everyone senseless.
Pause.
HOWARD: Can we please change the subject?
JACK: Sure.
They sit in tense silence for a moment or two.
JACK (CONT’D): Plus we both know my reputation will help the sales.
HOWARD: You were famous once Jack. It’s not like the world (still –)
JACK (OVER): I’m on Wikipeadia.
HOWARD: Only because you wrote it.
JACK: Not all (of it -)
HOWARD (OVER): Not like Dad. You googled him lately? Dad was the one – Dad had the real (talent.)
JACK (OVER): I was recognised in this hotel foyer for Christ’s sake. You saw it.
HOWARD: She was about eighty.
JACK: I was STILL recognised!
HOWARD: That’s debateable. She probably had dementia. All she said was ‘Jack?’ And you’re crawling all over her.
Pause. JACK smiles.
JACK: I did sort of push my name at her –
HOWARD: You practically spelt it for her.
JACK: You miss it sometimes. You can get hooked on the notoriety. It’s hard to -
HOWARD: No offense or anything, but you’re not half as well known as (Dad).
JACK (OVER): Alright alright. What the hell does it matter? What does anything matter anymore?
JACK stares out the window and throws back his glass.
JACK (CONT’D): What is it then? A soul searching meander or..?
HOWARD: It’s just a story Jack. About two boys who grew up on the coast of France. Who’s mother left them -
JACK: Abandoned them –
HOWARD: - to be raised by their combustible, Irish alcoholic father –
JACK: - who just happens to be -
HOWARD: - a brilliant Shakespearean actor
JACK: - who’ll help the sales tenfold.
HOWARD: So what if it does?
JACK: Bet I can tell you where it starts.
HOWARD: Come on then.
JACK: That day Mum dropped us off at the children’s home. When they went on that Christmas cruise without us.
HOWARD: Nope.
JACK: Us running away the day she introduced us to - whatsis name.
HOWARD: Pedro.
JACK: Pedro was a fill in. Who was the one she knicked off with?
HOWARD: David Niven.
JACK: That’s right. What a sleazy prick he was. Remember those cravattes?
HOWARD: And that moustache.
JACK: Mum always loved facial hair.
HOWARD: I caught them at it once. In the swimming pool. They hadn’t noticed I was wearing goggles.
JACK: I remember. You didn’t talk for an entire week.
HOWARD: Not that she noticed.
JACK: That’s when you got that twitch. Remember?
Pause. JACK does a rather sad imitation of HOWARD’S twitch. HOWARD is not amused.
JACK (CONT’D): Hey remember Dad – breaking that –
HOWARD: I remember him breaking lots of – stuff.
JACK: But the bottle? The magnum /over –
HOWARD: Over / that guy’s head. Who was that arrogant luvee?
JACK: Richard Burton.
HOWARD: Oh yeah..
JACK: He grabbed Mum’s top and dived into the shallow end of the pool with it..
HOWARD: Nearly broke his neck.
HOWARD: Then Dad jumps in and instead of pulling him out of the water smashes a bottle of champagne over his head for good keeping.
JACK: I remember treading on that glass. A few days later. Still got the scar.
HOWARD: Remember Mum getting in the ambulance with them both? Screaming at Dad like it was all his fault? Blood everywhere.
JACK: Dad took me in to the hospital the next day -.
HOWARD: Did he? Why?
JACK: I don’t know. Probably to put me off the bottle. Burton’s in a neck brace, still drunk, quoting Shakespeare.
They both smile a little sadly.
HOWARD: I’d forgotten that one.
JACK: Still, it’s hardly Angela’s Ashes is it?
HOWARD: It has its charms.
Pause. They both look a little sad. JACK gets up and stares out the window for a moment.
JACK (CONT’D): It tears at my guts just thinking about it. Gets you right here… (JACK holds out his glass)
HOWARD: What? Oh come on!
JACK: YOU come on!
HOWARD: You’ve had enough Jack.
JACK: Nothing worse than a converted wowser.
HOWARD: Okay. It’s your liver. (pouring another for JACK) Just – make this the last.
JACK: I’ll make it what I like wowser (boy.)
HOWARD (OVER): Just don’t get – messy tonight okay?
JACK: I’m just starting to relax -
HOWARD: I’ve actually made a booking and -
JACK: Oh not tonight?
HOWARD (looks at his watch): Not right now - but I mean – get your appetite up and - (noticing JACK’S scowl) What is it? Are you in (pain or -?)
JACK (OVER): Stop MOTHERING ME. Christ! Get me those strepnil things-
HOWARD: Which -?
JACK: – for nausea – in the bag.
HOWARD goes to a bag full of packets of tablets and sorts through them.
HOWARD: It’s the whisky. Anyone’d feel nauseous with what you stack away./
JACK: Yeah yeah yeah..
HOWARD holds up a webster pack and rattles it at JACK.
HOWARD: What’s with -?
JACK: What?
HOWARD: What’s going on?
JACK: Nothing.
HOWARD: You’ve missed three days.
JACK: So?
HOWARD: What the hell are you doing?
JACK: Pass me the Strepnils and mind your own business.
He takes one tablet out and swigs it down. HOWARD holds out the webster pack.
HOWARD: And the others. Come on.
JACK sits back and closes his eyes.
JACK: Leave me.
HOWARD: Please Jack. You can’t do this.
JACK: Why do we go through this shit? What’s the bloody point? Sometimes I’m sitting in the oncology unit… they’re pouring their poisons into us all and I think “What are we doing this for? Why don’t they all just let us go? Does it not occur to them it’d be doing everyone a huge favour – to just put us all down – to cut the crap and give us a bit of morphine and – let us go?
JACK: You’re loved that’s why.
HOWARD: They do it in other countries for God’s sake. You can order your own euthanasia kit in Denmark. They’ll post it to you. I was actually thinking of asking if you’d mind – you know – helping me with it all ...but then I’d probably have to watch you staring down at me, sobbing. (pause) I really couldn’t stand to see you cry again. Last time – was bad enough. Remember last time? (HOWARD nods) They really were the men in the white coats then, weren’t they? They load her into the ambulance and it’s going down the driveway and you’re – you’re this high - standing there – hands out – “Maman! Maman!” You cried for three days. Would not eat a thing.
HOWARD: I knew she was never coming back. I just knew.
JACK: In some ways I admire her. You know – suicide – can’t be easy. I mean –
HOWARD: It’s worth it.
JACK: What is?
HOWARD: Holding out. Doing the chemo. Taking the medication.
JACK: Who for?
HOWARD: Who do you think?
Pause. HOWARD looks genuinely sad.
JACK: Hey, have I told you the one about -
HOWARD: Here (we go)
JAC (OVER): The Englishman’s version of heaven and hell?
HOWARD sighs and leans back. JACK waits for him to nod the go ahead.
JACK (CONT’D): Heaven is being met at the door by an Englishman, fed by the French, entertained by the Italians and organized by the Germans.
HOWARD nods.
JACK (CONT’D): Hell is being met at the door by a Frenchman. Fed by the English. Entertained by the Germans and organized by the Italians. HA!
JACK grabs at his chest –
HOWARD: What is it? You okay?
JACK (pulling out his mobile phone from his breast pocket): It’s this phone – I can’t get it off vibrate –
HOWARD: Jesus Jack.
JACK: Keep thinking I’m having a heart attack.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Who is it?
JACK: Dogsitter.
HOWARD: Again?
JACK: Should be walked and back in his basket by now.
HOWARD looks over his shoulder, as they gaze at JACK’s mobile. JACK puts his hand to his mouth in horror.
JACK (CONT’D): Christ he can’t breathe!
HOWARD: You’ve got to stop worrying about him.
JACK: They’re too big for him. Look.
HOWARD: He’s a DOG Jack. Dogs love dogs. (pointing to the new photo) Look at him – surrounded by his mates.
JACK: Bloody German shepherds –
HOWARD: Well you will have a chiawawa.
JACK (starting to text): They’re suffocating him
HOWARD: His eyes always - pop out like that.
JACK begins to text, frenziedly.
HOWARD: What are you texting that poor hapless dogsitter now?
JACK: ‘I said SEPARATE sleeping quarters.’
HOWARD: You could’ve left him with Sophie you know.
JACK: Sophie thinks he’s a joke.
Pause.
HOWARD (CONT’D): What do you want to do tonight?
JACK: I don’t care.
HOWARD: There’s a lovely little café down the road does great desserts. I’m told.
JACK: Who by?
HOWARD: Hmm?
JACK (looking at HOWARD): Who says it does great desserts?
HOWARD looks at his watch.
HOWARD: Come on let’s get spruced. Let’s go out somewhere.
JACK: Not hungry. Don’t care.
HOWARD: Oh come on it’ll be -
JACK: I thought this holiday was for me?
HOWARD: It is. But with food. Come on it’ll help your nausea.
Pause. HOWARD waits, but JACK just looks at him flatly.
JACK: So is this going in your book? Hmm? This the nauseating last chapter? This little French sojourn?
HOWARD (shrugs): Maybe.
JACK stares out to sea again.
JACK: So will you be mentioning him?
Pause. JACK turns and faces HOWARD, who waits, suspended.
JACK (CONT’D): Will you be writing about – Paul?
HOWARD: Maybe.
JACK: Maybe. Maybe yes, or maybe no?
HOWARD: Maybe..yes.
JACK: God I hope you’re not using this trip to –
HOWARD looks as if he’s going to say something, but JACK gets another buzz on his mobile. He looks at it and smiles.
JACK (CONT’D): That’s better. Look.
HOWARD looks at JACK’S mobile but doesn’t react.
HOWARD: Paul was almost a brother to me. So - ofcourse I’ll be - he was part of my childhood.
JACK: Is this some kind of revenge?
HOWARD: What?
JACK: What right do (you have?)
HOWARD (OVER): It was my childhood too Jack.
JACK: Me riddled with - preparing my own friggin’ funeral – what good is it doing me to be dragged over here?
HOWARD: Oh God.
JACK: What do you want hmm? To see me break? You keeping a diary are you? Or perhaps there’s a little Dictaphone somewhere – so you can quote me verbatim. Maybe I’ll drop dead while I’m here and give it a real twist.
HOWARD: Jesus forget the bloody book! (he walks to the window, unable to look at JACK as he talks) I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t – I should’ve thought. I just wanted us to – spend a bit of time together. I didn’t want to do this after you’d – (pause) – .
JACK: So who’s selfish now hmm?
HOWARD: Oh come on! Can you imagine doing this trip alone? Without each other? I mean, no one…I have known no one else as long or as well as I’ve known you. Nobody. You are it. (starting to break) And – I wanted to bring you here…because it’s where we – let’s face it we had a pretty good childhood. I mean it was wild, and sometimes bloody scary. But for all it’s horrors - we always had each other. You were my best friend.…And I’m going to really bloody miss ..being your bloody Tweedle bloody Dum, you know..?
JACK: For Christ’s sake -
HOWARD: I’m going to really bloody miss it …
JACK: I’m not dead yet.
HOWARD: I knew this would be hard for you. But in a good way. In a good way.
JACK: You loved him too didn’t you?
HOWARD: Yes - No! No! Yes. Not like you did, obviously – but -.
JACK gets up, stands beside his brother, and looks out the window, recalling something else entirely.
JACK (CONT’D): Remember that little mirror I got with my first month’s wages?
HOWARD nods.
JACK (STARING OUT THE WINDOW): Any chance we’d get we’d be out in it. One day we went right out past those heads. I was going to drop a line for some flounder and he’d bought a thermos of tea and home made cakes. Little lemon things with icing and butterfly wings. Remember them?
HOWARD: Angel cakes he called them.
JACK: ‘Course I should’ve checked the weather. Like a bloody idiot I didn’t notice we were the only ones on the water. But I remember we were sitting there, Paul in one of those sailor tops, looking like an effeminate Popeye –
HOWARD: He fancied himself an Errol Flynn –
JACK: And we were talking about – I don’t know – we never stopped bloody talking about something. But it was always - interesting. The way he told you something – do you remember – his enthusiasm…?
HOWARD: - for something he’d observed that day or..
JACK: – some funny conversation he’d had…And we had silences too you know. It was always exciting, exhilarating being in his company but also – very comfortable. We enjoyed the silences. They were almost the best part looking back. It was so very – what do they say – we were like two halves of the same peach. Coming together perfectly… – from the moment I met him.
HOWARD: That must make me the pip.
JACK: Hmm?
HOWARD: In the middle of the fruit. The stone. You two always had to get around me, remember?
JACK (not listening): Then I got offered that job in London.
HOWARD: Offered? You chased it for months!
JACK: I had no idea what I was doing ofcourse. I mean I had no idea that’d be – it. I just remember being – so scared.
HOWARD: What of?
JACK: Everything. Nothing. I don’t know.
Pause. JACK looks away sadly.
HOWARD (CONT’D): So what happened?
JACK: We suddenly realised a storm was brewing –
HOWARD: No I (meant –)
JACK (OVER): The sky turned black and the wind was whipping everything up – and we were rocking side to side and I rowed ‘til my arms were burning – If I’d got the sails out we would’ve ended up spinning out to sea – so I’m in this great panic and – he’s just grinning at me – completely trusting – just smiling up at me like we were on this big adventure. As if he knew we’d be fine. And suddenly I felt – so capable! So invincible! I mean we were close to death really and suddenly we couldn’t stop laughing. We could survive anything. We finally make it back into shore – up close to the jetty and I throw a rope around the ballard and I’m all ready to help him out and suddenly he looks up at me and puts his hand in mine, and we’re violently rocking side to side on the water - and he says - “Restes ici”.
HOWARD: Stay here.
JACK: I didn’t know whether he meant stay on the water, in the boat, or - whether he meant – don’t go to London. It was the first time I couldn’t read his thoughts. The first and only time.
HOWARD: So what’d you do?
JACK: I took a photo of him. I was so – he could be so frank couldn’t he? Just come out with – just like that. Reste ici. As if – it were the most natural thing in the world. To stay. But it wasn’t. It should’ve been. But it wasn’t. Not then.
HOWARD: What happened?
JACK: We just sat on the water – soaked through – and the boat’s rocking as if it’s about to tip over any minute and - and he just leans against me and I’m holding onto him and - we watch this huge storm cracking all around us. (pause) I don’t think I’ve ever felt so - utterly safe.
HOWARD: You still got the photo?
JACK (nods): Kept it in my wallet for years. Dark curly hair and sparkling eyes. Doreen found it one day. I said I was saving it for a restrospective. I don’t think she believed me. But she said nothing.
Pause.
HOWARD: Why didn’t you just stay?
JACK (OVER): It was the sixties for God’s sake. It might’ve been hip in London to swing a bit here and there - but the only ones allowed to be gay round here were priests! You think it was easy? Don’t you remember the black eyes? I was pummeled by burly bloody fishermen twice a week. Like some kind of sport. Paul copped it too occasionally. He could run though.
Pause. HOWARD gets up and goes to a small case. He opens it and pulls out two ties.
JACK (CONT’D): Anyway Dad must’ve got a whiff of it - he was suddenly introducing me to actresses…Paul would’ve shamed his family and I -. (pause) I guess I was into women as well so -.
Pause. HOWARD passes a tie to JACK.
HOWARD: Let’s get you ready.
JACK: What for?
HOWARD: You’re going to this little café down the road –
JACK: Which you’ve heard is –
HOWARD: Magnifique.
JACK: Who told you about it? Did you read a review in some travelling magazine or…?
HOWARD: Hmm?
JACK: Who told you? That it’s so very good?
They stare at each other for a long moment. HOWARD’S guilty look says it all.
JACK (CONT’D): What the fuck are you (doing?)
HOWARD (OVER): I’m not doing anything –
JACK: What have you done?
HOWARD: He still lives here Jack
JACK: You interfering little (prick!)
HOWARD (OVER): He wrote to me –
JACK: I don’t believe you.
HOWARD: He wanted to contact (you)
JACK (OVER): AND you just couldn’t resist could you? Such great material!
HOWARD: He wrote to me Jack.
JACK: I’m starting to feel like your puppet. Christ. How could you do this?
HOWARD: I didn’t manipulate it it just (happened).
JACK (OVER): You bloody little -.
HOWARD: He’d heard you were coming over and -
JACK: HOW?
HOWARD: I don’t know maybe it was announced via some twitter for famous geriatric photographers – I don’t bloody know - how does anyone hear anything these days? No one has a private life
JACK: You told him you (told him you- ) –
HOWARD (OVER): He wants to see you Jack. He’s coming here –
JACK: Here?
HOWARD: To this room for a drink and then –
JACK (OVER): You friggin’ little prick! When?
HOWARD (looking at his watch): Probably any minute…
JACK: I should deck you!
HOWARD: He insisted – said he’d like to walk along the pier (and -)
JACK starts to open his suitcase and throw things out of it.
JACK (OVER): You’re not bloody putting this in your book do you hear? Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
HOWARD: What are you doing?
JACK: Finding – FUCK!
He pulls out a hairbrush and starts to brush down his hair.
HOWARD: You look fine –
JACK: I LOOK ANCIENT. (pointing to his things) Tidy up will you?
HOWARD (picking up JACK’S things): Do you think he’s been preserved in Egyptian bath milk? You’ll both be unrecognizable.
JACK: Jesus what were you thinking?
HOWARD: I was thinking how could I let this go – a chance for you – and him to –
JACK: I am DYING HOWARD DYING.
HOWARD steps up to him and puts on his tie.
HOWARD: So are we all.
JACK: Why put him through this?
HOWARD: He still loves you.
JACK (grabs his chest): I think I’m having a heart attack.
HOWARD: Sure it’s not your –?
JACK: It’s not my mobile no it’s –
HOWARD: Sit down for a moment/
JACK: I’m having a heart attack –/
HOWARD: For God’s sake calm down/
JACK: I cannot believe you would do this to me –
HOWARD: Take a deep breath…in for the count of three, out for the count of six.
JACK: Christ. Christ. Christ. Get my spray. The Nitro stuff.
HOWARD goes to his brother’s bag and pulls out a small spray. He sprays it under his brother’s tongue as JACK lifts his shirt and sprays a cloud of anti perspirant into his armpits.
JACK: What does he want? I don’t need his pity! What’ll we do? Swap recipes? Talk about our respective partners?
HOWARD: He never – .
JACK (genuinely shocked): What?
HOWARD: Lives alone since his mother died.
JACK: Really?
HOWARD: Still paints. Remember that one he did of us both?
JACK (holding his fist up): I should bloody deck you -
HOWARD: Jack, you were IT for him.
JACK: God above help me please - (up to the heavens) And I don’t even -! (to JACK) Do I look -?
HOWARD: You look fine. Deep breaths..
JACK: My God. (taking HOWARD’S hand) I suppose I should – should I -?
HOWARD: What? Propose? It might be a bit late (but -)
JACK (OVER): Don’t be a bloody fool –
HOWARD: Do you want me out of the room or –?
JACK (grabbing HOWARD’S arm): Stay! STAY! You got me into this you can (bloody well)
HOWARD (OVER): Okay okay. I’ll hang round for drinks, but for dinner you’re on your own –
There is a quiet knock. JACK again grabs his brother.
JACK (CONT’D): Oh God – he could be – he – shall I - ? Shouldn’t I -
HOWARD: What are you trying to say?
JACK: - get the door? I mean, he’ll be – he’s outside. Waiting.
HOWARD (amused): I’ve never seen you so -
JACK: Stop gloating. – he’s here. He’s here. He’s –
HOWARD: Yes Jack. To see you.
JACK: You’ve told him haven’t you? I mean..he knows I’m -?
HOWARD nods slowly. JACK straightens his tie and pushes down his hair again.
JACK (CONT’D): Good. Good. That’s good. Oh God - I should –
There is another quiet knock.
JACK (CONT’D): It’s him. Isn’t it.
HOWARD: It’s him.
JACK looks as if he’s going to faint.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Go on then. You can do it. Dive in. Just - dive in..
JACK walks slowly towards the door, turns to his brother and who nods and gives him a wink.
HOWARD: Open the bloody door Jack. Before he changes his mind and -.
Soft French music up. JACK holds up his clenched fist but manages a smile, then smooths his tie, stands upright and, as if calmly about to meet his destiny, goes to open the door.
Fade lights to black.
Fade music…
END OF SCENE ONE
SCENE TWO
HOWARD leans back into his chair, eyes closed, singing along to an old French song on his laptop, holding a half full glass of whisky. The music comes to an end. It’s quiet. He opens his eyes, takes a swig, and looks at his watch. He checks his mobile for messages. He stares into space, a little sadly. Suddenly the rattle of keys. JACK enters. He, like HOWARD, is a little drunk. He enters, squints and sees HOWARD. He smiles broadly and leans against the chair, like a smitten teenager. HOWARD doesn’t smile back.
HOWARD: Well?
JACK: He is still magnificent.
HOWARD: Still got it has he?
JACK (going to pour himself a whisky): God what a treasure. The boy should be bottled.
Pause. JACK stares at the bottle.
JACK (CONT’D): What the hell have you been doing?
HOWARD: Memorise the level did we?
JACK: No just your face.
HOWARD: I’ve taken a little fall.
JACK: What bought this on?
HOWARD: I don’t know. I guess seeing you two together was a bit more of a shock than -
JACK: How do you think it was for us?
JACK falls into the chair next to him and starts to rummage through his medications, pulling out several different tablets and putting them in his lap. He chuckles. HOWARD is ofcourse pleased by this. He watches on, as JACK glances up and grins.
JACK (CONT’D): What are you looking at?
HOWARD: He looks more like that Inspector Poirot character now. Do you think he plucks his eyebrows? I’d say there were definitely trimmed. And shaped.
JACK: He’s still got it hasn’t he?
HOWARD (CONT’D): I’ve been googling him – in art galleries and holding art classes.. He’s quite the celebrity round here, look.
HOWARD goes to hold out the laptop but JACK isn’t interested. He starts taking his medication.
JACK: He’s keen to sail with me again.
HOWARD: I thought you were past that?
JACK: Why would you think that?
HOWARD (closing his laptop): I just – assumed that a dicky heart and three kinds of cancer might, you know, have its drawbacks for – activities of the more physically demanding - genres.
JACK (trying to hide his annoyance): Well. It doesn’t.
HOWARD: Apparently not.
They both stare ahead for a long moment. Neither one looks at the other.
JACK: Why do I get a sense of –
HOWARD: What?
JACK: Nothing.
HOWARD: Hmm?
JACK: Why do I feel – ?
HOWARD: I don’t know. Why?
JACK: I don’t know either.
HOWARD holds out his arm and squeezes JACK’S shoulder without looking at him. JACK winces from the pain.
HOWARD: I’m so happy for you that it went well. Really. Anti depressant level ecstatic.
HOWARD lifts his glass and slurps to his brother’s happiness. JACK watches him, rubbing his arm a little, and smiles.
JACK: Howard -
HOWARD: Jack.
JACK: I know this is difficult for you. I really do. But -
HOWARD: It’s not that - challenging. (he takes a large swig of whisky)
JACK: It felt exactly the same. It feels exactly as it did forty - decades ago. I can’t believe it. I mean, I’d read about this kind of thing but never believed it. You can not see someone for more than half your life and then when you do it’s like you were never apart. I just can’t – (believe -)
HOWARD (OVER): /believe it. You can’t believe it. I get that. It’s truly unbelievable.
JACK: Seriously, after the initial shock of – you know, yes we’re ancient and yes I’m dying - you just see the person they were. You just – all I could see by the end of it was the boy in the boat. This is why people who marry young so often stay with the one partner. Because you never stop seeing that adorable spark you fell in love with! It never stops. Not that it’s physical now – I mean this illness takes all that - I mean – I was mad for him once – not that he’d be in it ofcourse – I mean we had the odd occasion ofcourse, like teenagers do, you know in the back of a car or -
HOWARD (OVER, BLOCKING EARS, singing): Non…rien de rien…non je ne regrette rien…
JACK: I’m in love! I’m – I am in love. I think I always have been. Maybe that’s why -
HOWARD: You were a compulsive philandering womanizer?
JACK: Maybe. Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe.
HOWARD: Congratulations. You’re cured!
JACK: I felt dizzy. I mean, dizzy in a good way. The moment he walked in. Did you see me swoon and grab the chair?
HOWARD: I thought that was your heart.
JACK: I was weak at the knees. HA!
HOWARD stares at his laptop again.
HOWARD: I am so glad it worked out for you. I mean - I’m a bit wierded out too ofcourse, but if I had to put it on a scale –
JACK: What a good idea –put it on a scale.
HOWARD: - it’d be 35% wierded out, and 65% genuinely happy.
JACK: That’s a lot of weird.
HOWARD: But a lot more happy.
JACK (leaning forwards holding up his glass): Well then. To - L’amour!
HOWARD: L’amour.
They clink glasses then throw back the rest of their drinks. JACK swills down his tablets and winces. HOWARD starts to google then stops.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Funny. I was looking up the origin of words earlier - I wonder if ‘amour’ comes from the word ‘armour’…Heh.
JACK: Take off the armour! Let the amour in I say!
JACK leans back and closes his eyes.
HOWARD (looking at his watch): You should turn in. We’ve got a bit of driving to do (tomorrow)
JACK (OVER): I’m not going anywhere.
HOWARD: I meant touring.
JACK: I’m not leaving. Ever. If he says yes.
HOWARD: What do you mean?
JACK: I proposed to him. Over the lemon cakes.
JACK looks strangely victorious. HOWARD is so shocked he actually half laughs.
HOWARD: You what?
JACK nods, grinning.
JACK: He said he needs some time to think about it. But if things feel right - we’re – going to live together.
HOWARD: When?
JACK: Now.
HOWARD: What, tomorrow or..?
JACK: He’s giving it some thought – over the next few days and –
HOWARD: Do you know how the village will take this?
JACK: They’re much more open these days.
HOWARD: Not round here they’re not.
JACK: He’s an artist. We both are. Who cares?
HOWARD: Paul might. Eventually. Very much.
JACK: It’d only be six months or so -.
HOWARD: I thought it was (three)
JACK (OVER): I’ll live longer with him around.
Pause. HOWARD stares, speechless, at JACK.
HOWARD: You are DYING.
JACK: So?
HOWARD: Why would you put him through this?
JACK: Who else can I rely on? Felix?
HOWARD: What about Felix? How will he feel?
JACK: Felix prefers the dogsitter. She feeds him caviar dip. He won’t even miss me.
Pause.
HOWARD: And what about – everyone else?
JACK: I don’t want to live and die inside refrigerator white rooms with a doctor hovering over me, trying to push happy pills.
HOWARD: Daily. I will supervise all your treatments and visit you (daily)
JACK (OVER): Oh sure. You who couldn’t even organise a lift properly.
HOWARD: Why don’t we fly him over with us? You could – you could both move in (with me)
JACK (OVER): Tweedles don’t you see? I want to wake up every morning to a mass of green and terracotta and sky blue houses, with different coloured shutters on every window. To look out over window boxes full of red and white geraniums.
HOWARD: His house has a lift does it?
JACK: To lie in a bed at night overlooking an ocean that spangles with cruise ships, like sequins on a vast satin dress. To listen to a piano accordian and laughing tourists, wafting up from a cobblestone street, and dream I’m young again. I want to go to every art gallery possible and see every Picasso and Mattisse before I can’t see forever.
HOWARD: What are you on?
JACK: It’s called love.
HOWARD: It’s called delusional. He’ll have a priest giving you your last rites you realise that? And what about the funeral? It’ll be inside that church we hated as kids. Remember it Jack? Remember how much we loathed the paraphernalia?
JACK: If it makes my partner happy -
HOWARD: Your partner! Your partner! Listen to you.
JACK: What’s wrong with that?
HOWARD: Can’t you see what you’re doing?
JACK: I’ve known him all my life Tweedles.
HOWARD (OVER): You’ve known me all your life too. You’ve known me longer than anyone.
JACK makes a buzzer sound as if they’re on a panel game.
JACK: Wrong! Paul and I played together before you were even a twinkle in Dad’s watery old eye.
HOWARD: You’re being unfair.
JACK: On who?
HOWARD: On all of us.
JACK: This is my death. Not yours.
HOWARD: You’re using him.
JACK: I’m not using anyone. Unlike some.
HOWARD makes a gesture to the heavens as JACK gets up to go.
HOWARD: Where are you -?
JACK: Bed.
HOWARD: You can’t just leave your specialists.
JACK: They won’t miss me.
HOWARD: Where are you going to find the right treatment round here?
JACK: Paul knows a good doctor – in the end all I’ll need is morphine.
HOWARD: Morphine? You’ll be lucky to get an aspirin. Paul has too much of the Mother Teresa in him.
JACK: Don’t start on Paul. He’s a good man.
HOWARD: I will not – just leave you here.
JACK: This is my last wish Howard.
HOWARD: So that’s it? Just as we’re back speaking to each other you decide to end it all in some small French village in your old gay lover’s arms – just like the old queen you always were.
JACK: You know I much preferred you sober.
HOWARD: And I much preferred you straight.
JACK (walking out): Sorry I can’t spend the last few months with you. I realise it’d be a good way to end your book.
HOWARD: Don’t flatter yourself – .
JACK: Why don’t you just leave me out of it altogether then?
HOWARD (OVER): Why does it matter to you so much? (pause) You won’t even be here.
Pause. HOWARD quickly regrets this. JACK stops and glares at him.
JACK: I swear if I ever wear wings –
HOWARD: Let’s hope they suit your (dress)
JACK (OVER): - I’ll be hovering over you at every book launch – cursing every sale –
HOWARD: You can’t stop me you can’t (stop me)
JACK (OVER): When have I ever tried?
HOWARD: HA! You stuffed up Gwen and me for (starters.)
JACK (OVER): You and Gwen were always doomed.
HOWARD: Only because she felt so guilty after she’d -
JACK: She wasn’t in love with you.
HOWARD: Then why’d she marry me and have a child with (me and -)
JACK (OVER): Why does anyone? Why did I? Why did Dad for Christ’s sake!?
HOWARD: Dad loved women for starters -
JACK: SO DID I! …I just loved Paul more.
Pause.
HOWARD: Well you can haunt all the book launches you like. I’m writing it.
JACK: Change my name.
HOWARD: How (ridiculous).
JACK (OVER): Then change yours.
HOWARD: Ha.
JACK: I’ll take possession of your laptop. You’ll have to have it exorcised. The keys will jam and the whole screen will scream “STOP - THIS – CRAP - NOW!”
JACK stands over HOWARD making ghostly gestures. HOWARD is unamused.
HOWARD: You can’t edit yourself out my life. You were my brother -
JACK: I still AM.
HOWARD: Then how about acting like one?
JACK: You can talk! What have I watched but pure misery and bile ever since I told you I might stay here with the man I love? Nothing but toxic homophobic ravings. Why don’t you wear a hood and sheet and be done with it? Just when I couldn’t be happier. I’ve made some mistakes but at least I’m not a sad, twisted, (bitter little -.)
HOWARD (OVER): You just make everyone else feel that way. (JACK goes to walk out.) You’re a bomb thrower Jack. You stand in doorways and throw bombs into rooms and just walk away. You always have.
JACK: Well won’t be for much longer.
HOWARD: Maybe if you’d left some – things alone -
JACK: What things? Not your wife again. Jesus that was a two minute grope twenty five years ago for (God’s sake)
HOWARD (OVER): You are so greedy Jack. You’ve got no – morals. No spine. You see - you like - and you take. But only if it suits, only if it’s useful to you. And this business with Paul is no different. I feel for him. I really do.
JACK: “This business with Paul” – you say it like it’s a bit of crap on the footpath. Something to tread around. What would you know about me and Paul? I abandoned the love of my life.
HOWARD: Exactly!
JACK: Well at least I HAD ONE!
HOWARD: Oh nice try. Don’t think I’m going to fall for that old trope – I know what you’re doing. We weren’t talking about my loves we were talking about you abandoning yours. And you and I both know why that happened. Don’t we. Because you’re selfish. Always were and always (will be)
JACK (OVER): What’s selfish about pursuing a career?
HOWARD: You could’ve taken him with you. London would’ve loved him!
JACK: OH COME ON!
HOWARD: Why else would you leave him behind?
JACK: What a question.
HOWARD: You might’ve been beaten up here but you two would’ve been the toast of London.
JACK: I left him behind because I could not BEAR to disappoint my own father.
Pause.
JACK (CONT’D): I couldn’t bear to think of his disgust, his - loathing.
HOWARD stares into his glass drunkenly.
HOWARD: He knew anyway.
Pause.
HOWARD (CONT’D): He saw – something. One day - we were coming back from the markets. Someone had written some graffiti on the pathway down to the beach. Naming you and Paul as - .
JACK: Where?
HOWARD: Down by the wharf. Near the café there. I scrubbed it off. I came back with detergent and a brush and got rid of it. But he saw it.
JACK: What’d he do?
HOWARD: He stopped and stared and sort of smiled - ‘Why would they do that?” he said.
JACK: He smiled?
HOWARD: And then he just said really quietly “Be careful’.
JACK: Be careful?
HOWARD: As if – you were there. And then we just sort of - walked on.
A beat. JACK shifts uncomfortably.
JACK: Why’d you never tell me this?
HOWARD: I don’t know.
JACK: I wish you’d told me.
HOWARD: I should’ve. I just - I mean, we weren’t – you weren’t exactly open about -.
JACK nods. They fall into a silence for a moment, then HOWARD decides it’s time.
HOWARD (CONT’D): Just hear me out on this Jack. And don’t think that it’s all about what I want, alright? I’m sure that Paul still feels something for you –
JACK: What does that mean, something?
HOWARD: I just don’t think it’s - love.
JACK smiles.
JACK: You think it’s pity, don’t you? He’d be doing it out of pity.
HOWARD: Sorry. That was – sorry. (sorry).
JACK (OVER): Don’t apologise. It’s okay. You know, when I told him I’d gone through two divorces he cried – cried! Not for me, he said, but for my poor wives!
HOWARD starts to top up their drinks again.
JACK (CONT’D): Maybe it is pity. But that’s a good Catholic for you. They can’t resist playing the martyr.
HOWARD: So why would you put him through it?
JACK: Because I’m unbelievably horrendously selfish. (He grabs his chest) Woah!
HOWARD: What is it? You okay?
JACK (pulling out his phone): Bloody phone..
He stares at it, trying to discern it for a moment.
JACK (CONT’D): It’s him.
HOWARD: What’s he say?
JACK grasps the phone to his chest and slowly smiles.
HOWARD (CONT’D): You okay? What’s he say?
JACK: That was our moment. Our defining moment. And he remembers.
HOWARD (guessing): Reste ici.
JACK nods slightly and passes the phone to HOWARD. HOWARD looks at it. JACK goes over to the window and stares out to sea, beaming.
JACK (CONT’D): Shame on you Howard. That’s not pity. Ha! And I’m staying. This time I’m bloody staying. What an idiot. What a blind old fool – But how lucky am I? “Restes ici” Tweedles…! He wants me to stay!
From down below soft French piano accordian music starts to play “La Vie En Rose”. JACK does a mock threatening fist at his brother and starts to dance around the room and sing.
JACK (CONT’D): It’s magical isn’t it? Never say never! It’s never too late! Carpe Diem little brother! Carpe Diem!
JACK leans over and kisses HOWARD on the head. HOWARD looks back flatly.
HOWARD: Jesus Jack –
JACK: I’m just making sure you don’t quote me. In that bloody book of yours.
JACK scruffs his hair and kisses his head again.
JACK (CONT’D): Thank you. For bringing me back to him. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You’re a great brother, you know that? For all your cynical bitter wizened little ways, you’re still very lovable.
He leans on the chair for a moment, getting his breath. HOWARD goes to help him, but JACK waves him away - ‘Leave me I’m okay.’
JACK (CONT’D): Just promise me you’ll- come back and see me before I’m too – far gone -
HOWARD: Ofcourse I’ll -..
JACK: And both of you are to scatter the ashes from his boat – near the pier there. Paul knows the spot.
HOWARD tries to hold back tears as he nods for JACK, who pats him on the back gently.
JACK (CONT’D): Now don’t you bloody cry. No tears in the whisky. (pause) What are we doing tomorrow hmm? What great plans have you got for us all?
HOWARD: I’ve got a bit of an itinerary – worked out..
JACK: Good kid. Let’s discuss it in the morning, hmm? Now. These meds are – kicking arse – so -.
HOWARD tries not to react as JACK wanders unsteadily across the room.
HOWARD: You okay?
JACK: I’m fine. I’m fine. Just happy. Happy. Happy! Bon nuit Tweedle Dum.
HOWARD: Bon - nuit. Tweedle Dee.
JACK (throwing back his head joyfully): HA!
JACK exits to his room. HOWARD walks over to the window and, still holding his glass, looks out at the ocean. He opens the window: from below the sea can be heard lapping gently. Piano accordian music wafts in over it. He smiles sadly, wipes his eyes, as…
FADE LIGHTS TO BLACK
End
